Category Archives: 2015

Twilight Zone script: “Walking Distance”

From the Famous Writers Course. Part of the Famous Writers School in Westport, CT. I don’t believe the school or the course is in existence today.

Front cover of the facsimile script.

Front cover of the facsimile script.

Inside, first page.

Inside, first page.

“There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space, and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between land and shadow — between science and superstition. And it lies between the pit of man’s fears and the summit of his knowledge. It is an area which we call The Twilight Zone.

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Photo finish Friday: “Berry good”

What would you do if your raspberries wanted to mix it up with your blueberries or blackberries?

What would you do if your raspberries wanted to mix it up with your blueberries or blackberries?

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Haiku to you Thursday: “Longings”

World full of wonder. /

The angel of death leaves soon. /

Short are the longings.

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cARtOONSdAY: “wITCH oVENS?”

Sign inside Hansel and Gretel Exotic Foods Factory.

Sign inside Hansel and Gretel Exotic Foods Factory.

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Monday morning writing joke: “Maine frame of mind”

There once was a writer from Maine /

Who wrote about the strange and insane. /

“Your writing reminds me of King.” /

Those words would always sting, /

Until he stuffed their remains down the drain.

***

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

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The Devil’s Dictionary: “Un-American and Understanding”

In our continuing quest to revisit a classic, or even a curiosity from the past and see how relevant it is, we continue with The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce. Originally published in newspaper installments from 1881 until 1906. You might be surprised how current many of the entries are.

A young Ambrose Bierce

A young Ambrose Bierce

For example, here is a definition for the words Un-American and Understanding. The Old definitions are Bierce’s. The New definitions are, in many cases, updates. Sometimes little change is needed. Sometimes more. From time to time, just as it was originally published, we will come back to The Devil’s Dictionary, for a look at it then and how it applies today. Click on Devil’s Dictionary in the tags below to bring up the other entries.

OLD DEFINITION
Un-American, adj. Wicked, intolerable, heathenish.

Understanding, n. A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to know a house from a horse by the roof on the house. Its nature and laws have been exhaustively expounded by Locke, who rode a house, and Kant, who lived in a horse.

His understanding was so keen
That all things which he’d felt, heard, seen,
He could interpret without fail
If he was in or out of jail.
He wrote at Inspiration’s call
Deep disquisitions on them all,
Then, pent at last in an asylum,
Performed the service to compile ’em.
So great a writer, all men swore,
They never had not read before.
—Jorrock Wormley

NEW DEFINITION
Un-American, adj. Wicked, intolerable, heathenish.

Example, the rest of the world and the Democratic Party as defined by Faux News.

Example, anything the other politician stands for, even if it’s very much like what the accuser stands for.

Example, anything that requires understanding, or as one politician recently said, “big syllable words.”

Understanding, n. See Un-American.

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Photo finish Friday: “Flushed with reading”

You need a place to rest your book.

You need a place to rest your book.

Don't try this with an unabridged dictionary.

Don’t try this with an unabridged dictionary.

Do you live with your novels as you are reading them? Even in the bathroom?

But maybe you have no bookshelf or place to temporarily rest the book. What do you do? Why, the toilet paper dispenser might be your friend.

Not recommended for heavy books or picture books of odd-sized dimensions. But the right book at the right time with the roll of toilet paper at the right diameter, and you have a temporary bookshelf while you await the flush of success.

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Haiku to you Thursday: “Dream stars”

Tonight I dream stars. /

Worlds enveloped in wonder. /

My dog wants a walk.

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Writing tip Wednesday: “Missing comma kills parking ticket”

Ohio appeals court ruling is a victory for punctuation, sanity

by SARAH LARIMER

Source: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-nation/wp/2015/07/01/ohio-appeals-court-ruling-is-a-victory-for-punctuation-sanity/?tid=sm_fb

Look, I know you’re all busy, but let’s just take a minute today and celebrate Judge Robert A. Hendrickson and the 12th District Court of Appeals in Ohio.

These defenders of punctuation.

These champions of copy editors everywhere.

That one court that totally called out a village ordinance for its comma-related failings.

(I know!!!)

(Pretty great, right?)

Here’s what happened, according to court documents. Back in February 2014, Andrea Cammelleri was cited for a violation when she left her pickup truck parked on a street in West Jefferson, Ohio.

That was because an ordinance in the village stated it was illegal to park “any motor vehicle camper, trailer, farm implement and/or non-motorized vehicle” on a street for more than 24 hours.

At a bench trial, Cammelleri argued that “the ordinance did not apply because the language prohibits a motor vehicle camper from being parked on the street for an extended period of time.”

That’s: Motor vehicle camper.

Not: Motor vehicle, camper.

“The trial court held that when reading the ordinance in context, it unambiguously applied to motor vehicles and ‘anybody reading [the ordinance] would understand that it is just missing a comma,’” court documents state.

Cammelleri was initially convicted, according to the Columbus Dispatch, but filed an appeal.

The Dispatch reports:

She pointed out that the ordinance prohibited “any motor vehicle camper, trailer, farm implement and/or non-motorized vehicle” from daylong parking and argued that her truck is not a “motor vehicle camper.”

The village argued that the lack of a comma separating motor vehicle from camper was a typo and did not invalidate her violation. But the court sided with Cammelleri. Grammar counts, the judges said.

“By utilizing rules of grammar and employing the common meaning of terms, ‘motor vehicle camper’ has a clear definition that does not produce an absurd result,” Hendrickson wrote in his ruling. “If the village desires a different reading, it should amend the ordinance and insert a comma between the phrase ‘motor vehicle’ and the word ‘camper.’”

Additional details: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-nation/wp/2015/07/01/ohio-appeals-court-ruling-is-a-victory-for-punctuation-sanity/?tid=sm_fb

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Monday morning writing joke: “High fiber”

There once was a writer of fiber /

Whose morning had a high moral driver. /

A bowl of bran flakes /

Is all that she partakes, /

And the output does more than inspire her.

***

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. Their kids were nothing to look at either.

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