Monthly Archives: February 2018

Monday morning writing joke: “Bones of a story”

An old Doberman starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he’s lost.

Wandering about, he notices a lion heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old Doberman thinks, “Oh, oh! I’m in deep shit now!”

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the lion is about to leap, the old Doberman exclaims, “Boy, that was one delicious lion! I wonder, if there are any more around here?”

Hearing this, the young lion halts his attack in mid-stride, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.

“Whew,” says the lion, “that was close! That old Doberman nearly had me.”

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the lion. So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the lion, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the lion.

The young lion is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine!”

Now, the old Doberman sees the lion coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, “What am I going to do now?” Instead of running, the dog  sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old Doberman says…

“Where’s that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another lion.”

And there you have the bones of a story.

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Filed under 2018, Monday morning writing joke

Tom Howard/John H. Reid Fiction & Essay Contest

Ends on April 30, 2018

$20.00 USD

Submit stories and essays on any theme, up to 6,000 words each. The winning story and essay will each receive $2,000. Ten Honorable Mentions will receive $100 each. The top 12 entries will be published online. Judge: Dennis Norris II, assisted by Lauren Singer.

For this contest, a story is any short work of fiction, and an essay is any short work of nonfiction. You may submit published or unpublished work. This contest accepts multiple entries (submit them one at a time). Please omit your name from your entries. We prefer 12-point type or larger. Please avoid fancy, hard-to-read fonts. Double-spacing is recommended.

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Photo finish Friday: “Early arrivals”

Jonquils 100dpi 6x6_4c_4596 copy

“If only are early and unexpected guests were as pleasant as our early and unexpected jonquils,” he said to his wife when they finally had a moment alone.

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Filed under 2018, photo by David E. Booker, Photo Finish Friday

cARtOONSdAY: “sIMULATION”

New on Ereader

When everything old is new again.

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Monday (morning) writing joke: “Dueling puns, part 11: ‘Alaska'”

Two writers who didn’t like each other met in a bar, as such writers often do. Each claimed it was his favorite bar and each claimed he had found it first. After several months of glowering at each other and bad mouthing each other, they agree to settle the matter with a duel of puns.

Since the tall writer won the tenth round, the short writer was allowed to go first for round eleven. A set of cards was placed on the table between them, face down. On each card was a subject. The short writer flipped the card over and the subject was “Alaska.”

Props were allowed, and for each turn, each writer could make one phone call.

Each writer had to say his pun and the audience would get to pick which one they preferred. The bartender, a waiter, and a waitress would be the judges as to who got the loudest groan.

After thinking a moment, the short writer stood and took off his glasses, then put them back on, and then took them off again. As he did this, he said, “I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.”

This immediately drew a few laughs, and moan or two, and some applause.

The tall writer waited until things were quiet, then he asked for a match. He lit the match and as it burned, he said, “Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.”

By then the match had burned down to his fingers. He dropped it and quickly stepped on it. A spark flew up from his foot and caught a paper napkin on fire. He then tried to stomp that out, but more sparks flew and soon the entire bar was on fire.

The crowd hesitated, then groaned, and scrambled over each other and out the door.

As the ashes were sprayed one last time to make sure they were no longer hot, the soot covered bartender said both writers lost that round.

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Photo finish Friday: “The Shadow”

Walker_shadow 100dpi_6x8_4c_4472 copy

He came to town to avenge his brother’s death the only way he knew how: one slow, painful scoot at a time.

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Filed under 2018, photo by David E. Booker, Photo Finish Friday

Shrill tears

Guns clatter the ground. /

Clouds bulging with thoughts and prayers. /

Shrill tears from heaven.

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Filed under 2018, Haiku to You Thursday, poetry by author, Uncategorized

Haiku to you Thursday: “Street trash”

Lottery tickets, /

phone sex ads, cigarette butts: /

fake pleasures turned trash.

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Filed under 2018, Haiku to You Thursday, poetry by author