Monthly Archives: November 2015

Monday morning writing joke: “Drink up”

A writer walks into a bar and orders three beers, all to be delivered at the same time to his table.

The waitress brings over his beers and the bartender watches as the writer takes a sip out of each mug in turn, starting from the writer’s left and going to his right. A couple of nights later the writer comes in and does the same thing: three beers delivered to his table; he drinks a swallow from each mug in turn.

Finally, the third time it happens, the bartender delivers the beers and tells the writer, “You know, these beers start to go flat the moment I draw them out of the tap. You would be better off drinking one, ordering another, and then a third.”

“But,” the writer said, “I need to order them this way and drink them just this way.”

“Why?” the bartender asks.

“One mug is for my brother the screenwriter in L.A. The next mug is for my brother the advertising writer in New York. And the third one is mine, a small-time mystery writer who frequents your bar here in Atlanta. I do this here and each of my brothers is doing the same thing in the bars they are in.

The bartender appreciates the tradition and from then on says no more, until one evening the writer comes in and orders only two beers.

The bartender thinks something must have happened to one of the brothers, so when he has a moment, he walks over to the table and expresses his condolences.

“No, no, no,” the writer says. “We are all fine. Alive and well and procrastinating before the blank screen in search of our next words.”

“But you only ordered two beers.”

“You see,” the writer says, “my wife and I converted to being Southern Baptist and we no longer drink, but my brothers still do.”

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Libraries: the hauntingly beautiful and the beautifully haunted

The World’s Most Beautiful Library Is In Prague, Czech Republic

Source: http://www.boredpanda.com/beautiful-library-prague-czech-clementinum/

The Klementinum library

The Klementinum library

The Klementinum library, a beautiful example of Baroque architecture, was first opened in 1722 as part of the Jesuit university, and houses over 20,000 books. It was voted as one of the most beautiful and majestic libraries in the world by our readers!

The ceiling frescoes were painted by Jan Hiebl. In 1781, director Karel Rafael Ungar established Biblioteca Nationalis, a collection of Czech language literature. Some of the rare historical books from this collection have been sent to Google for scanning and will eventually be available on Google Books.

Just as the library is a rare and little-known treasure, so is it associated with several little-known facts: the Klementinum used to be the third largest Jesuit college in the world; recording of local weather began there in 1775 and has continued ever since; it is featured in a novel by famous Spanish-language writer Jorge Luis Borges.

Photos of the library can be seen here: http://www.boredpanda.com/beautiful-library-prague-czech-clementinum/

***

Phantoms among the Folios: A Guide to Haunted Libraries

Source: http://americanlibrariesmagazine.org/2015/10/28/phantoms-among-folios-guide-to-haunted-libraries/

In the fall, a journalist’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of ghosts. Newspapers and magazines that haughtily refrain from printing news of the paranormal for 11 months of the year eagerly jump on the Halloween coach in October to regale their audiences with dubious tales of the preternatural.

American Libraries is no exception. However, unlike less reputable media, we go to original sources whenever possible to ascertain whether or not our spooks are spurious. And in so doing we have uncovered a hauntful of genuinely eerie events hiding amid the folktales.

Libraries are haunted?

Bleak mansions and somber castles usually spring to mind when we think of haunted places. But ghostly phenomena—whatever the cause—can manifest in well-lit, modern offices as well as crumbling Carnegies. Of course, it helps if you inadvertently build your library on top of a graveyard.

Haunted libraries fall into two types. First, there is the “building with a reputation,” where a convenient murder, curse, or other tragedy has occurred. Library staff can then blame the odd noise, the occasional book falling off the shelf, or glitches in the air conditioning on the resident “scapeghost.” No one reports anything too spooky, and the children’s librarians have a good time with it at story hour.

Second, there are libraries where credible, responsible people observe enigmatic human shapes, hear disembodied voices, and witness other classic parapsychological events. Glib explanations about how the building must be settling ring about as hollow as those mysterious footsteps late at night on the upper floorboards. The library staff learns to live with its wraith, usually by accepting the paranormal as a normal working condition.

Both categories of haunted libraries are described here. Like a good journalist I will begin with Type One, forcing you to read through to the end to get the good stuff. Just make sure you don’t finish this article alone in bed, late at night, during a violent thunderstorm.

’Tis the curse of service

As if library directors didn’t have enough to worry about, a curse would be sufficient to send stress levels over the line. Fortunately, the curse on Peoria (Ill.) Public Library directors seem to have lifted long ago. Uttered in 1847 by the lawyer-plagued woman who owned the land where the library now stands, the curse is said to have been responsible for the untimely deaths of three directors: The first was killed in a streetcar accident in 1915, the second died from a heart attack suffered after a heated debate at a library board meeting in 1921, and the third committed suicide in 1924 by swallowing arsenic. Since then, Peoria directors have lived long, fruitful lives.

Trisha Noack, ‎manager of Public Relations at Peoria Public Library, said their Main Library was remodeled and reopened in December 2010.

“Most of these reports came from the stacks area, now known as LL1 and the home of our Art Gallery and Local History and Genealogy Room,” Noack said. “Since the stacks were eliminated (and) the entire library building (was) stripped down to the bare walls, there has been no further activity.”

Ruth did it

On October 11, 1947, Ruth Cochran, assistant librarian at the Umatilla County Public Library in Pendleton and president of the Eastern Oregon Library Association, suffered a cerebral hemorrhage as she was closing the building. She went to the basement to rest, but soon became too weak to move or summon help. The next day the custodian’s wife found her, still conscious, and she was taken to the hospital where she died, according to the Pendleton East Oregonian. Ever since, spooky events in the library have been blamed on Ruth’s ghost.

Harvey Thompson, a library patron who took an interest in Ruth, said there is “something in the building that makes people nervous.” Once a custodian was alone in the building painting the children’s room when the intercom system buzzed repeatedly. “The folklore was that Ruth was suffering in the basement trying to summon someone,” Thompson said.

The library, now called the Pendleton Public Library, moved to into a vacant remodeled junior high school building in November 1996, according to library director Mary Finney. Ruth’s old building has been converted into the Pendleton Center for the Arts. Former executive director Tom Hilliard said that he never saw or heard anything he couldn’t explain: “It was an old building [a Carnegie built in 1916]. Noises turned out to be pipes expanding or a bird in the attic.”

Rockin’ wraith

The Cairo (Ill.) Public Library boasts of a ghost that one young library patron has dubbed Toby. Director Monica Smith noted that Toby usually hangs out in the special collections room on the second floor of this 1884 building. “I’m here a lot of times by myself at night, and I do hear many different sounds like someone walking around upstairs,” Smith said. “Many times I come back and find the lights on that we turned off in that room. I definitely think there is a presence here.”

Former librarian Louise Ogg once saw a ghostly light rise up from behind a desk, pass slowly by her office, and disappear into the book stacks. Another staff member was with her and saw the same thing. There used to be a rocking chair in the library that made creaking noises by itself, as if someone were rocking in it. “You kind of get used to it,” Smith said.

More available at: http://americanlibrariesmagazine.org/2015/10/28/phantoms-among-folios-guide-to-haunted-libraries/

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Photo finish Friday: “What Black Friday really means”

Id, Ego, and Superego.

Id, Ego, and Superego.

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Haiku to you Thursday: “Table”

The best linen rests /

surrounded by plates and pie. /

Scraps become compost.

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Writing tip Wednesday: “Short, short story contest”

SSS-Header

We’ll keep this short.

Enter the Writer’s Digest Short Short Story Competition for a chance at $3,000 and a trip to the 2016 Writer’s Digest Conference, PLUS national exposure for your story! Click here to see the full prize list.

Here’s the bottom line.

Keep your story under 1,500 words to qualify, and be sure to get your work to us by December 14.

One First Place Winner will receive:

  • $3,000 in cash
  • Their short story title published in Writer’s Digest magazine’s July/August 2016 issue
  • A paid trip to the ever-popular Writer’s Digest Conference!
  • A copy of the 16th Annual Writer’s Digest Short Short Story Competition Collection
  • A copy of the 2016 Novel & Short Story Writer’s Market
  • A copy of the 2016 Guide to Literary Agents.

Other prizes and how to enter: http://www.writersdigest.com/writers-digest-competitions/short-short-story-competition?utm_source=competition&utm_campaign=wd-tjo-comp-161125&utm_content=801449_WC151125&utm_medium=email

Deadline: December 14, 2015

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cARtOONSdAY: “tURKEY dAY”

At least during this National Novel Writing Month, Willard remembered to thaw the bird before trying to bake it.

At least during this National Novel Writing Month, Willard remembered to thaw the bird before trying to bake it.

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Monday morning writing joke: “Down for the count”

There once was a writer from down under

Whose editor rent all his things asunder.

Passive verbs and weak nouns

Were found all over the ground

And woe be to each adverbial blunder.

***

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!”

The doctor replied, “I know you can’t; I’ve cut off your arms!”

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The blathering idiot and Saturdays

The blathering idiot and Lydia, his campaign manager for the Pro-Accordion Party, were driving down the road from one stump speech stop to another in his quest for the highest office in the land. It was hard to keep up with the other candidates. He had crossed paths with one of them recently and happened to catch part of what he was saying. What surprised the blathering idiot even more than the other candidates way of speech delivery was the sign on the front of his lectern. Apparently the silent majority stood with this candidate. From the way the candidate was speaking, attacking everyone and everything that wasn’t American and white, he could understand why the “majority” was silent: It couldn’t get in a word edgewise.

The blathering idiot had always wanted to adopt Saturdays.

The blathering idiot had always wanted to adopt Saturdays.

But what intrigued the blathering idiot was a sign he saw outside a business. One time when he passed, it read: “Adopt Nov. 21.” Another time, it read “Adopt Saturday.” He wondered how you could adopt a day in November or even a day of the week. If so, there was a day he wanted to adopt. So, on the way driving through town because there was not enough money in the campaign war chest to fly to the different places or even travel too far, he pulled into the parking lot, then stepped inside the store. He walked up to the counter and asked, “How do I adopt a day?”

The older woman behind the counter looked up and said, “Is this a joke?”

“I’ve always wanted to adopt Saturdays. All of them, if I could. Ever since I was a kid, it was my favorite day of the week. Wake up late, eat two bowls of my favorite cereal, watch cartoons until my eyes were about to pop, then eat popcorn for lunch, and ride bikes with my friends, pedaling so hard we wanted to throw up. I want to adopt Saturdays.”

“Who don’t adopt Saturdays here,” the woman said.

“But your sign says—”

“That sign is for dogs.”

“You mean dogs can adopt Saturdays, but I can’t?” If so, it really was a dog’s life.

“No. The sign is about adopting dogs.”

“You mean if I adopt a dog, the dog can adopt Saturdays?”

“Get out. Now!”

The blathering idiot hustled out the door and back to the campaign car and climbed inside.

“Are you okay?” Lydia asked.

The blathering idiot sighed. “I wish I was eleven and it was Saturday. Saturdays when you are eleven are the best Saturdays there are.”

He wondered if the silent majority felt that way, too.

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Photo finish Friday: “Traveling”

ONK_ParkPathCircle 100dpi_15x11_4c_F5487 copy

Is this the path behind or the one ahead?
The path well known or the one less said?
Will you travel light or carry a heavy load?
Coming back with stories or learning ones untold?
Will you find true love along your path
Or will Dame fortune scheme to steal your stash?
Will your joys be many and your sorrows few?
Will you have many friends or just one or two?
Wherever you go, know that there you will be
with all the world around you and new things to see.
I wish you well as you create your pathway.
It’s built with your life, but renewed each day.
I won’t always be with you, but come what may
Maybe in your heart a small part of me will stay.

–by David E. Booker

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Haiku to you Thursday: “Trees”

Trees undress for Fall. /

Dance naked to Winter’s wind. /

Entice Spring’s young eyes.

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