Willard now understood why they offered him a disguise at the sign in table.
Filed under 2015, cartoon by author, CarToonsday
Q.: What’s the difference between a propaganda writer and a roman candle?
A.: Depends upon how much a roman candle is selling for.
***
Three writers walk into a fireworks store. Each has $1. One buys a cherry bomb. The second buys a pack of firecrackers. The third buys a sparkler. Which one’s the poet?
A.: The one with the cherry bomb. Metaphorically, he’s trying to get the biggest bang for his buck.
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke
The quest for the highest office in the land begins … again.
The blathering idiot and Lydia were sitting in a conference room with the consultant. The blathering idiot was about to go out to the podium and microphone and announce his candidacy for the highest office in the land.
“We have to do it now,” the consultant said. “June is National Accordion month. We are the Pro-Accordion Party. If we don’t announce now, what will people think?”
Lydia nodded. “He has a point.”
“Then why aren’t accordion makers sponsoring us?” the blathering idiot asked.
“Because there are no accordion makers in the U.S. They’re all made overseas and foreign companies and countries can’t buy elections.”
“But U.S. companies can?”
“That’s not what I meant,” the consultant said. He wiped the sweat from his brow. “Look, this was the best I could do. I will try for additional sponsors, but right now this is the only one, and unlike other parties and candidates, we need one. Hell, we need more than one.”
“I have to read all of it?”
Lydia touched his arm. “I will be out there with you. You read part of it. I’ll read part of it.”
“And the consultant will read part of it?”
“That’s not his job,” Lydia said.
“But it is mine?”
Lydia nodded. “Sadly, yes.”
Shaking his head, the blathering idiot walked to the next room and stepped up on podium. It looked out at the two, maybe three people who had come to hear his announcement.
“I, today, am again a candidate for the highest office in the land. I do this because … because …” From that point on, the blathering idiot rambled about making the country a better place, unifying the waring ideological factions, and giving a voice to the voiceless. He finished, turned, and started to leave. Lydia grabbed his arm and gently turned him around and handed him a piece of paper. The blathering idiot turned, cleared his throat, and read:
“And now a word from our sponsor: This campaign for the highest office in the land is brought to you by Puns in a Pak. Whether you buy one pack, two, or get the deep discount for buying by the gross, Puns in a Pak are shop-tested and well-lubricated – ready to slip into your casual conversation, work e-mail, or most intimate moment. Nothing lifts a trite phrase up out of the dust bin of inequity like Puns in a Pak. On sale today online or at your local grammarian shop. And for those politically minded, try our Puns in a PAC. Nothing says politics like Puns in a PAC. Ask us about our special Super-Pak PAC of puns, created especially for this election season. Puns in PAC, when nothing else will do.”
Filed under 2015, political humor
As far as I know, no actual lawyers were injured in the decapitation of this sign.
I just want to know who the injured party is in this case.
Filed under 2015, Photo by Beth Booker, Photo Finish Friday
My heart jumps up. /
The elevator lurches down. /
Your lips part for mine.
Filed under 2015, Haiku to You Thursday, poetry by author
Five Tips to Keep You Passionate About Your Writing
by M. SHANNON HERNANDEZ
Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/m-shannon-hernandez/five-tips-to-keep-you-pas_b_7537224.html
Tap, tap, tap — that is the sound of your creative fingertips hitting the keyboard.
As writers, we spend our days and nights hovering over our keyboards, pouring our ideas into a machine that will hopefully make sense of all that is going on in our brains. And don’t get me wrong — it is a wonderful life — but sometimes we look up to see that we have veered off track. Or perhaps we have worked so hard on a piece that maybe we aren’t quite so passionate about it anymore. I’ve been there before, and I am sure you have, too.
How can we stay on track, writing about those things which keep us passionate, when we must write for a living, day in and day out? Below you will find five tips to keep you passionate in your writing.
Arm yourself with these five strategies so you can continue living and writing passionately. Tap, tap, tap… your keyboard is waiting on you.
Details: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/m-shannon-hernandez/five-tips-to-keep-you-pas_b_7537224.html
Filed under 2015, writing tip, Writing Tip Wednesday
An old car, a bottle of antidepressants, and gun walked into a bar.
The car blew its horn and eventually had to be belted.
The antidepressants were such a pill, they had to be bottled up.
And the gun shot its mouth off so often nobody else could get a word in. Eventually it triggered a revolt from the rest of the patrons and the three of them were shown the door.
One writer at a back table looks over at his friend: “What do you thing that was about?”
The second writer shrugs. “Chitty pity bang bang.”
Filed under 2015, Monday morning writing joke
It is the first or second (or in this case, third) weekend of the month and time, once again, for a new word to live by. This is a word or phrase not currently in use in the U.S. English lexicon, but might need to be considered. Other words, such as obsurd, crumpify, subsus, flib, congressed, and others, can be found by clicking on the tags below. Today’s New Word is a compounding of word and a suffix two words. Without further waiting, Wallowacity is the new word / phrase for this month:
Wallow, n. The ability to self-indulge or revel.
-acity, noun suffix meaning “strong characteristic of” or “quality of.” or It is Latin suffix and appears Latin words such as tenacity.
tenacity.
New word Wallowacity, n. The state or degree to which you can master wallowing.
Example: There are few things that a man can do that woman can’t do equally as well and sometimes better. There is one thing, though, that men are more naturally born to and that is wallowing. From a young age, boys begin mastering the art of wallowing, but it rarely comes into full bloom or full wallowacity until around 55 years of age.
Boys may read about great men such as George Washington or Napoleon, sports greats such as Babe Ruth, great composers such as Mozart or dynamic world leaders such as Martin Luther King, Jr., but the men most of them grow up secretly admiring and then emulating is the guy in their circle of friends who has achieved his full wallow potential, his full wallowacity.
Maybe this entry was a week late due to a bit of wallowacity.
Just the gift to give dad for Father’s Day.
Filed under 2015, new word, New words to live by
“Oh, please, don’t pick me.”
Flower plea
Oh, please, oh, please, don’t pick me.
There’s only a short life within me.
Leave me so others can see me.
Let me be so I can be me.
Come by as often as you like,
Be it in a car, on foot, or a trike.
I’ll be here for all to delight.
To pick me would leave only a blight.
I’m here for only a short while.
Let my bloom help others to smile.
Do not give in to temptation or denial
And leave nothing but a joy defiled.
Oh, please, oh, please, don’t pick me.
There’s only a short life within me.
Leave me so others can see me.
Let me be so I can be me.
–photo and poem by David E. Booker
Filed under 2015, photo by David E. Booker, Photo Finish Friday, poetry by author
The afternoon creeps, /
Each minute an hour high /
Piled with things not done.
Filed under 2015, Haiku to You Thursday, poetry by author
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