Monthly Archives: December 2014

Monday morning writing joke: ” Santa to a writer”

This Christmas season.

Santa Claus to a writer: “What do you want for Christmas?”

Writer: “A bestseller.”

Christmas morning the writer wakes up to find the latest New York Times bestseller wrapped and under his tree.

Next Christmas season.

Santa Claus to the same writer: “What do you want for Christmas?”

Writer: “My own bestseller.”

Christmas morning the writer wakes up to find the latest New York Times bestseller autographed to him by the author wrapped and under his tree.

The Christmas season after that.

Santa Claus to the same writer: “What do you want for Christmas?”

Writer: “A bestseller that I wrote.”

Santa looks at the writer for a minute then says: “You’ve come to the wrong place. I bring presents not miracles.”

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The Millions: A Year in Reading: Tom Nissley

The Millions : A Year in Reading: Tom Nissley.

I did something in 2014 that would throw a wrench into anyone’s reading: I bought a bookstore. Selling books, as I wasn’t surprised to find, doesn’t leave much time for reading them. Also, it meant I became — not for the first time, but never so publicly, on such a daily basis — a professional reader, as many of us are lucky to end up being in one way or another, as teachers or editors or researchers or some other line of work that corrals your attention from the luxury of polymorphous curiosity into something more traditionally productive, in my case trying to keep up with some of the new releases I might be able to share with my customers.

So, early in the year, my reading shifted back from personal to pro, but there were good books on both sides of the divide. And aside from a few favorites (see below), what I find myself remembering as vivid reading experiences are not consistently excellent books like Marilynne Robinson’s Lila, Ben Lerner’s 10:04, David Markson’s Reader’s Block, Vera Brittain’s Testament of Youth, Lawrence Wright’s Thirteen Days in September, Tove Jansson’s The Summer Book, Jeff VanderMeer’s Annihilation, Edward Hirsch’s Gabriel, Brendan Koerner’s The Skies Belong to Us, and William Gibson’s The Peripheral — all very good books I’d happily put in your hands if you walked into my store — but the more jagged-edged books I might hand you with a caveat.

I remember, with delight, the first half of Anthony Trollope’s The Eustace Diamonds — “Finally reading Trollope,” I told everyone, or, rather, tweeted. “What took me so long to sample this deliciousness?” — before his stamina started to outlast mine. I was delighted too with the first half of Joseph O’Neill’s The Dog and the voice he captured, as companionable as Netherland’s but more chilling (like P.G. Wodehouse telling a J.G. Ballard story), even if for me that voice never grew into a full book. I admired and enjoyed Farther and Wilder, Blake Bailey’s biography of Charles Jackson, but I wondered if his subject was worth his talents until the final third — usually the least interesting in any biography — when Jackson’s accumulated troubles, and his belated reckoning with them, made his life profoundly moving. And though Joel Selvin’s Here Comes the Night had for me a hole at its center == the interior life of its ostensible subject, unsung record man Bert Berns, remained a cipher — I loved Selvin’s hepcat riffs on Berns and his fellow “centurions of pop.”

The rest of the article at: http://www.themillions.com/2014/12/a-year-in-reading-tom-nissley.html

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Hyphen Hate? When Amazon went to war against punctuation.

graemereynolds's avatarGraeme Reynolds's Blog

10520828_935072746511716_41317665270618143_nThis is a really strange blog post to have to write, simply because the situation is absurd. It would be comedic, really, if the situation was not costing me money and resulted in one of my best-selling books being unavailable in the run up to the busiest time of the year.

Let me tell you a little story.

I was sitting in front of my computer on Friday night, as is often the case, talking to friends on Facebook, randomly browsing things that seemed interesting and, in this particular case, attending the launch party for Chantal Noordeloos’s latest Coyote book, when I had an email notification arrive in my inbox from Kindle Direct Publishing.

The email was titled rather ominously as
Kindle Quality Notice: High Moor 2: Moonstruck – B00BVC7MKW

Now – Moonstruck has been out for around 18 months now. It’s done well for itself and, at the time…

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Photo finish Friday: “Night lights”

Riding a bike at night, with over a thousand friends.

Riding a bike at night, with over a thousand friends.

Some of the other night riders.

Some of the other night riders.

A family adding a little color to the night.

A family adding a little color to the night.

Knoxville’s eighth annual Tour de Lights drew around one thousand people for a December 19th, Friday night ride that started in Market Square and circled north through neighborhoods such as Old North Knoxville, before ending back near where it began. Many of the bikes and even the bicyclists where festooned in lights and other decorations, including costumes. to Market Square with lighted bikes and riders clad in all manner of holiday outfits.

Kelley Segars, transportation planner with the Knoxville Regional Transportation Planning Organization, said the first year the event was held, a little more than 100 people turned out.

“This year I’m guessing we probably broke 1,000 people, so we’ve definitely grown a lot and the weather was perfect this year,” she said.

The ride has become a part of the Christmas in the City events. The approximately hour-long ride started in Market Square before riders made their way to Gay Street, then to Fourth Avenue and Gill Street through Old North Knoxville and back to Market Square.

A bicycle was given away as a prize before the ride, and another was given away after the ride.

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Haiku to you Thursday: “Hero”

There are no heroes — /

then I see you with Lauren /

and I know better.

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cARtOONSDAY: “bEWARE OF THE eLF”

It's the little things at Christmas that often get to you the most.

It’s the little things at Christmas that often get to you the most.

All that sweetness and light
can give you such a fright.
Sneaking over to your bed
to stab you before daylight.

So when you go to bed
don’t turn your little head.
For that elf on the shelf
will make sure you wake up dead.

Then a zombie you will be
lumbering ’round the Christmas tree
searching for some brains
or other presents not meant for thee.

O’ beware that elf on the shelf!
He’s just all about himself.
He’s sweetly, creepy insane
and out to ruin your health.

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Monday morning writing joke: “Food for thought, too”

Q.: What does a clock do when it’s hungry?

A.: It goes back four seconds.

///

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.

///

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime.

///

Q.: How does Moses make his tea?

A.: Hebrews it.

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New words to live by: “Indiplation or Contemgestion”?

It is the first or second weekend of the month and time again for a new word to live by. This is a word or phrase not currently in use in the U.S. English lexicon, but might need to be considered. Other words, such as obsurd, crumpify, subsus, flib, congressed, and others, can be found by clicking on the tags below. Today’s New Word is a compounding of two words in two possible way: Indigestion and Contemplation. Without further chattering, Indiplation or Contemgestion is the new word / phrase for this month:

Indigestion, n. Difficulty in or inability to digest food. Also known as dyspepsia.

Contemplation, n. deep or full reflection or consideration.

How about Indiplation or Contemgestion?

Indiplation, n. In the midst of pain from indigestion, trying to remember where you put the medicine. Example: Heart burn, again? Where did I leave those chalky round pills? You know, the ones with the sigh-something in them? Oh, where did I leave them? Damn it, damn it, damn it.

Contemgestion, n. Thinking or contemplating your way through difficulty in digesting either an idea or food. Example: This fire of impurity raging in my alimentary canal can only be quenched with the round lozenge of hope. You know. The one that I must chew in a symbolic, transubstantiated breaking of the body of deep regret, as I regret now that re-fried turkey enchilada for dinner this evening. It is a feeling most foul in my intestinal world. A placebo effect administered by the mind.

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Haiku to you Thursday: “Twigs”

Divided by hours /

days gather sticks of minutes /

and twigs each second.

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Writing tip Wednesday: “Conquering writer’s block”

4 Tips On Conquering The Evil That Is Writer’s Block

by Ashley Jones

Read more at http://www.business2community.com/blogging/4-tips-conquering-evil-writers-block-01074259#1IGzOmJ9sSQZJ1DM.99

It’s funny that I’m writing this blog about writer’s block considering I was drawing a complete blank when trying to think of a topic. Writer’s block happens to the best of us, and if someone tells you they haven’t experienced a bought of writer’s block they’re likely lying.

So what do I do when I’m struggling with my writing? Sounds weird, but I like to pace around my apartment. My tiny apartment is shotgun style and it takes me approximately 15 seconds to get from one end to the other. I pace like this about 10 times. This works well for me. It makes me feel less sedentary and helps me generate ideas. I think one of the best things you can do if you’re suffering from writer’s block is distance yourself from your project for a while.

This leads me to my first major tip you should try next time you start to feel like words are the enemy:

  • Step away from your computer.
  • Aaron Sorkin (The Newsroom, The West Wing) was recently on Late Night with Seth Meyers. The two did the typical let-me-plug-my-latest-project interview. But they also talked about Sorkin’s writing process. Sorkin said whenever he experiences writer’s block he will shower and change into clean clothes to start again with a clean slate. I think this is a great idea. There’s no reason to sit and stare at a blank page. Get up and start moving around; do whatever works for you. This will help clear your head and make room for all those awesome ideas to come through.

  • Read something you enjoy.
  • No, Facebook doesn’t count. Pick up a magazine or check out the latest entry from your favorite blogger. You can even read a few industry blogs to see what’s new. This will get your mind off your work and help inspire you. These quick distractions can help you connect ideas in a way you didn’t see before.

  • Write like you speak.
  • Don’t try to get hung up on trying to use jargon or industry-speak. Start off by writing conversationally and the ideas will start flowing. It’s way easier to get a good pace going if you feel comfortable with the language you’re using.

  • Start with a working title, and then jump in.
  • Write up a quick title that focuses on the general idea of your blog. Then try to get your initial thoughts out. It doesn’t have to be grammatically correct or even make complete sense. Once you’ve got your thoughts out you can clean it up later and you’ll feel better once your ideas aren’t swimming around in your head.

  • Take your content one step at a time.
  • If you’ve got a lot of content to work with it can feel daunting. Break your content up into sections and tackle them one by one. I usually separate my main ideas out into bullet points. Then I take those points one by one and start fleshing them out. This makes my content much more manageable and I’m less freaked out by the amount I need to complete.

Read more at http://www.business2community.com/blogging/4-tips-conquering-evil-writers-block-01074259#1IGzOmJ9sSQZJ1DM.99

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