Q.: What did a zombie engineer say to a non-zombie engineer about an engineering problem he was working on?
A.: “I’ve come to pick your brains.”
Q.: Why was the zombie disappointed with his date with a leggy blond woman?
A.: She was already brainless.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
2014-07-13 11:48 AM
Open letter from Richard Russo on Amazon vs. Hachette
Richard Russo is President of the Author’s Guild. This is long but, if you’re wondering what’s going on, worth reading. I’d like to say he took the words right out of my mouth, but he uses better words.
“The primary mission of the Authors Guild has always been the defense of the writing life. While it may be true that there are new opportunities and platforms for writers in the digital age, only the willfully blind refuse to acknowledge that authorship is imperiled on many fronts. True, not all writers are equally impacted. Some authors still make fortunes through traditional publishing, and genre writers (both traditionally published and independently published) appear to be doing better than writers of nonfiction and “literary” mid-list fiction. (The Guild has members in all of these categories.) But there’s evidence, both statistical and anecdotal, that as a species we are significantly endangered. In the UK, for instance, the Authors’ Licensing and Collecting Society reports that authors’ incomes have fallen 29 percent since 2005, a decline they deem “shocking.” If a similar study were done in the U.S., the results would be, we believe, all too similar.
“On Tuesday, Amazon made an offer to Hachette Book Group that would “take authors out of the middle” of their ongoing dispute by offering Hachette authors windfall royalties on e-books until the dispute between the companies is resolved. While Amazon claims to be concerned about the fate of mid-list and debut authors, we believe their offer – the majority of which Hachette would essentially fund – is highly disingenuous. For one thing, it’s impossible to remove authors from the middle of the dispute. We write the books they’re fighting over. And because it is the writing life itself we seek to defend, we’re not interested in a short-term windfall to some of the writers we represent. What we care about is a healthy ecosystem where all writers, both traditionally and independently published, can thrive. We believe that ecosystem should be as diverse as possible, containing traditional big publishers, smaller publishers, Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble and independent bookstores, as well as both e-books and print books. We believe that such an ecosystem cannot exist while entities within it are committed to the eradication of other entities.
To read the rest, go to: http://journalscape.com/sjrozan/2014-07-13-11:48/
Filed under Amazon, publishing
Large cow in parking lot of Fellini Kroger in North Knoxville, TN
There’s a ghost in the machine-y
down there at the Fellini.
At hours day or night
you might catch a little fright
next to the freezer door
glass shattered on the floor.
Chicken flying through the air
frozen and landing without a care
down there at the Fellini
a sight just a little seamy.
Come down if you dare,
watch the show beyond compare.
The ghost may try to kill you
or someone may try to shill you
down there at the Fellini
down there at the Fellini.
A man with a two-foot sausage
squeezes it like a little hostage.
A large cow in the parking lot
says, “Take the udder slot”
down there at the Fellini
down there at the Fellini.
It has a Facebook page,
a Google listing all the rage.
Type in Fellini Kroger
or watch the show, if your bolder
down there at the Fellini
Fellini, Fellini,
down there at the Fellini,
Fellini, Fellini.
Photo and poem by David E. Booker
Filed under Photo by author, Photo Finish Friday, poetry by author
I felt my heart die /
When your love locked promises /
To a chain of dust.
Filed under Haiku to You Thursday, poetry by author
Maurice struggled to get a grip on his reading.
Filed under cartoon by author, CarToonsday
First joke writer: I can’t quite come up with a finish for this joke: “You know you’re an older writer when….” and that’s as far as I get.
Second joke writer: “You know you’re an older writer when your wife surprises you with a box of 20-pound bond paper and it excites you in ways you hadn’t thought possible.”
First joke writer: Sounds like that happened to you.
Second joke writer: It did. Then the reality of having to fill all those blank pages sank in and dulled it all.
Filed under Monday morning writing joke
Another view of the Amazon vs. Publishers battle
Publishing Vs. Amazon: A Play in Five Acts – Insatiable Booksluts.
Act I:
Amazon: Hey Publishing, we just invented a new thing that we think you’ll like. You know how after you make a book you have to pay a buttload of money to get it all printed and shipped and stuff? We figured out a way that you could not have to pay all that money and still sell lots of books.
Publishing: OMG NO WHAT IS THIS WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO DESTROY PUBLISHING
Customers: Hey! These ebooks are pretty cool! I can carry a bunch with me all the time and it sucks less when I have to move!
Publishing: NO THEY ARE NOT COOL, PAPER BOOKS FOREVER, WE KNOW YOU JUST WANT TO STEAL OUR CONTENT OFF OF THE INTERNETS. CAN WE TRIPLE THE DRMs PLEASE
Customers: ……
Act II:
Amazon: Hey Publishing, we want to buy a buttload of books from you and we aren’t even going to return a bunch of unsold books like other bookstores do, and in return do you think you could give us a good deal since you’re going to make a lot of money? And also because like, every other industry that we work with works with us at a wholesale discount since we spend so much money with them and all.
Publishing: OMG NO WE DO NOT WANT TO SELL YOU A BUTTLOAD OF BOOKS WE HATE YOU. WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO DESTROY PUBLISHING
Amazon: Hey just FYI we are also going to publish some books by people because we think it looks like a neat business to get into. Competition is awesome right? I mean, it’s mostly celebrities and authors that are doing all the work themselves anyway.
Publishing: YOU ARE MURDERING US TO DEATH STAHP. NOBODY SHOULD BUY BOOKS PUBLISHED BY AMAZON BECAUSE ONLY WE ARE ALLOWED TO PUBLISH.
Bookstores: We hate Amazon too because nobody else should be allowed to sell books, especially if customers like going to them better. We will not sell Amazon’s books even if customers want to read them.
Publishing: YEAH WE HATE YOU AMAZON
Bookstores: Do you still love us, Publishing? We promise that we will only sell paper books and not any from Amazon.
Publishing: YEAH YOU ARE MY BOO.
Act III:
Amazon: Hey Publishing, since it only costs you like a fraction of a percent actually to
For the rest of the play go to: http://insatiablebooksluts.com/2014/06/27/publishing-vs-amazon-play/
Filed under Amazon, publishing
It is the first weekend of the month and time again for a new word to live. This is a word or phrase not currently in use in the U.S. English lexicon, but might need to be considered. Other words, such as obsurd, crumpify, subsus, flib, congressed, and others, can be found by clicking on the tags below. This month’s New Words are related and are the merging of corporation and welfare to create corpfare, and the merging of corpse and welfare to create corpsefare.
Corporation, n. an association of individuals or groups, created not by nature or God, but by law or under authority of law, having an ongoing existence independent of those of its members, exercising powers and liabilities distinct from those of its members, and deemed by the U.S. Supreme Court to have many of the same rights as a human adult, but little of the responsibilities. Oftentimes words such as large, multinational or international accompany the word corporation.
Welfare, n. 1a) government assistance, financial or other, to an individual or family from a city, state, or national government.
Many dictionaries don’t recognize the word welfare as applying to corporations or other businesses, most of them quite large. So to fill the gap:
Corpfare, n. government assistance, financial or other, to a business, company, or corporation.
For example, in 2011, on the federal level, $57 billion was spent on individual or family welfare. Yet also in 2011, on the federal level, $94 billion was spent on “corpfare = corporate welfare.” When tax breaks, financial incentives, and things like TIF (Tax Increment Financing) and PILOT (Payment in Lieu of Taxes) on the state and local levels are thrown in, the balance by some estimates is a true 2 to 1 in favor of corporations, businesses, industries, etc. vs. individuals and families.
Corpse, n. Someone or something no longer useful or viable.
Corpsefare, n. 1) Corpfare to the point that the public coffers are sucked dry by the corporations. 2) the misguided belief that this is a good thing. v. the act of sucking dry the public coffers.
For example, Biglittle Corporation corpsefared the city and then left without completing any of the proposed projects. Or Biglittle Corporation completed all its projects, but in so doing corpsefared the city.
Filed under New words to live by
The tchotchke side of town
Bosom babe met the elephant
down by the merry-go-round.
Bosom babe asked the elephant
if he’d like to see the town?
Replied the red elephant
lifting his trunk high into the air,
“I’ve seen all I want to see
and much more than you care.”
She wondered what he meant
until she looked up high.
Then she spied her unmentionables:
dainty white against blue sky.
Let this be a lesson to you:
ladies don’t hang around
a shiny red elephant
from the tchotchke side of town.
— Photo by Brian Griffin; poem by David E. Booker
[Editor’s note: Yes, this poem is Fourth of July suitable (pardon the pun). It mentions the colors red, white, and blue.]
Filed under Photo Finish Friday
43 Inconceivable Facts About "The Princess Bride" You Probably Never Knew.
1. The Princess Bride was almost made into a movie in the ’70s, and a then-unknown Arnold Schwarzenegger was seriously considered to play Fezzik.
2. By the time the movie was actually made, Schwarzenegger was too expensive to hire.
3. The Rodents of Unusual Size were men in rat suits.
4. One of the R.O.U.S. actors got into a fight with his wife and burned down the kennel they owned, so the film crew bailed him out of jail so he could film the Fire Swamp scene.
5. Director Rob Reiner auditioned over 500 women for the role of Buttercup, including Courtney Cox, Meg Ryan, Uma Thurman, and Whoopie Goldberg.
6. Robin Wright is originally from Texas but barely needed any dialect coaching for Buttercup’s English accent. Her father is British.
For more trivia about The Princess Bride: http://www.buzzfeed.com/keelyflaherty/inconceivable-facts-about-the-princess-bride-you-probably
Booker's Blog 