Monthly Archives: November 2012

Freeform Friday: “Bah … Festival”

Bah … Festival

http://imgur.com/H4xYX

[Poet’s note: My poetic response below is to the message in the link above.]

Happy festival of planets and stars
of magic men that travel from afar
of little people who slave all night
in the cold so someone else can take flight.
Happy festival of growing debt
of presents you don’t want or haven’t seen yet
of holiday cheer without smiles
of jammed parking lots and lines for miles.

Yes, Merry Christmas to you and yours,
attending parties that feel like chores.
Yes, Merry Christmas and presents, too,
and the tree that lights: red, green, and blue.
You say, “Merry Christmas is all I’ll hear,
and please don’t feel less of any good cheer.
Kwanzaa and Hanukkah, well they’re just fine.
You have yours and I’ll have mine.”

So in this season of brotherly love,
of peace, good will, and stuff from above,
when a big fat man dressed all in red
driving flying reindeer and a toy-laden sled
slides down your chimney in the middle of the night,
even if you don’t have any, though you just might,
coming at the moment when your dreams are strong
and hope has it greatest chance to belong,
I hope you have a Merry Christmas without dread
and don’t let Happy Holidays play with your head.
For if you do and you then let it stew
your heart will miss out of the headiest of brews.

Have a ho-ho-ho-whole lot of fun this holiday season.

Have a ho-ho-ho-whole lot of fun this Holiday Season.

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Filed under Freeform Friday, Holidays, poetry by author

Haiku to you Thursday: “Clattering”

Clattering words and /
rattling hearts sweep away /
a lover’s warm embrace.

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Writing Tip Wednesday: NO SUCH THING AS WRITER’S BLOCK?

by BRUCE HALE

http://clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?l=O8uEK&m=JmGfH2oV7FLsQz&b=LL0Iif2G_NnGJtQ4.3UMsw

One of the most common questions I get is, “What do you do about writer’s block?” It’s hard to answer. Not because I don’t know,
but because I don’t really believe in writer’s block.

I mean, think about it. We’re the only profession that romanticizes avoiding our work. You don’t hear accountants talking about ‘accountant’s block,’ or dentists moaning, “I couldn’t remove that molar today, Bob; I had dentist’s block.”

But here we sit with our holy bugaboo, writer’s block. Now, don’t get me wrong — I do believe that we have days when it’s hard to write, but I label that as plain old, garden-variety fear and resistance. The same fear that keeps you from asking out someone you ave a crush on (fear of failure). The same resistance that keeps you from starting that new exercise regimen (resistance to change).

Fear and resistance are debilitating enough on their own without giving them a catchy name. So let’s just deal with them the way we do whenever and wherever they show up in our lives. (And no, I don’t mean by surrendering.)

PERFECTION IS THE ENEMY
I’ve noticed that when I feel fear around my writing, it’s usually the fear that it won’t be good enough. Perfection syndrome is insidious, and the only way to beat it is to address it head-on.

First, realize that nothing you write will EVER be perfect — even stories that get published. You can look back at a story you published nine years ago and see things you’d do differently today. Perfection is unattainable.

I think honestly, the best we can shoot for is “as good as I can make it right now.”

So once I’ve given myself permission to write an imperfect first draft, I just jump right into it and start. I write as quickly and sloppily as I can, never minding about proper form, just getting my ideas down on paper (or computer). I know I can always improve the story in the revision stage.

WRITING WARM-UPS
But say you have trouble even getting to the stage of writing a first, sloppy draft. What then? Just as you would with physical exercise, try doing some brief warm-ups before your writing session. You could do a personal journal, or write a journal from your character’s point of view. You could assign yourself a random topic or write about a memory.

One of my favorite ideas is to compile a Bradbury List. Just like Ray Bradbury did when he was a young writer, come up with a list of titles off the top of your head, drawing from childhood fears and fantasies. Then, as a warm-up, pick one title, set your egg timer for 10 minutes, and write a stream-of-consciousness entry about it. Don’t try to craft a story; just let the writing flow.

You may find that you pick up some good material for a future story. You may just get past that initial fear of the blank page and ease into your writing flow. And you may just discover there’s no such thing as writers block.

Here’s the signup link:
http://clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?l=O8uEK&m=JmGfH2oV7FLsQz&b=LL0Iif2G_NnGJtQ4.3UMsw

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Filed under Writer's Block, Writing Tip Wednesday

24th Annual Old North Knoxville Victorian Holiday Home Tour

Extra, Extra, read all about it: the upcoming 24th Annual Old North Knoxville Victorian Holiday Home Tour, Saturday, Dec. 1st, 4 – 9 PM and Sunday, December 2nd, 12:30 – 5 PM.

Click on the link for more information.

ONK_Dec2012_Feb2013_newsletter

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cARtOON tO yOU tUESDAY: pOSITIVE rESULTS

patient talking to doctor

Sometimes words cannot adequately express….

What the doctor wrote

And sometimes what is expressed is not quite adequate ….

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Filed under cartoon by author, CarToonsday

I’m a writer and I don’t get no respect: blowing your own horn

Writer, no respect

Sometimes it’s hard to blow your own horn.

I recently attended a music festival to try to sell some of my books when I overheard one musician say this about my writing to another musician: “His writing reminds you of a clarinet — a wind instrument.”

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Filed under cartoon by author, Monday morning writing joke, no respect

Haiku to you Thursday: “Holiday feast”

The meal and the grace,
the sustenance and the hope,
each handled with love.

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Filed under Haiku to You Thursday, poetry by author

Can I Make More Money via Traditional or Self-Pub?

An interesting blog entry that poses questions for things to consider.

For example:

If their agent shops the book and gets a publishing offer from a reputable house, but the advance is lower than the author wants, can the author reject the offer, take back the book, and self-publish it?

Technically, the answer is usually “yes” unless the author/agent agreement stipulates otherwise. If I shop a project, you are within your rights to reject any offers and take the project back. But it’s important to realize that it puts agents in the position of spending hours and weeks and months on something for which they’ll never be compensated.

Find out more at the link below.

Can I Make More Money via Traditional or Self-Pub?.

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Filed under advice column, agents, writing tip

Book jacket blurbs you may never see

Blurb for the memoir of Bob the electrician:
“His story was electrifying. Certain to have a positive impact on your life.”

Blurb for mortician’s erotic horror novel:
“His debut novel will keep you up all night and leave you feeling stiff the next morning.”

Blurb for a pharmacist’s self-help book:
“This book is the perfect Rx for what ails you.”

Blurb for a plumber’s thriller:
“This book leaves you drained.”

Blurb for a pet groomer’s memoir:
“His brush with death will leave you panting for more.”

Blurb for a firefighter’s collection of short stories:
“His wit is only matched by his striking ability to fire the reader’s imagination.”

From Wikipedia:
A blurb is a short summary accompanying a creative work … The word blurb originated in 1907. American humorist Gelett Burgess’s short 1906 book Are You a Bromide? was presented in a limited edition to an annual trade association dinner. The custom at such events was to have a dust jacket promoting the work and with, as Burgess’ publisher B. W. Huebsch described it,

“the picture of a damsel — languishing, heroic, or coquettish — anyhow, a damsel on the jacket of every novel”

In this case the jacket proclaimed “YES, this is a ‘BLURB’!” and the picture was of a (fictitious) young woman “Miss Belinda Blurb” shown calling out, described as “in the act of blurbing.”

The name and term stuck for any publisher’s contents on a book’s back cover, even after the picture was dropped and only the complimentary text remained.

Blurb example

To blurb or not to blurb, that is the question.

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Filed under blurb, humor, word play

How my mind works

Sometimes when someone asks me a question, my mind goes on a rambling spree. Below is such a spree based upon an issue that came up at work. I place it here not because it is a masterwork of prose, but because sometime stuffing a response full of absurdities is the best I can do. Call it “How my mind works.”

My un-sophisticated wild donkey guess:

They (whoever they are) decide to re-open the contract for bids because they are looking for a version of the bids for separate (but equal) running of our place and the other one.

Then after another round of bids, public presentations (or whatever they are called), and an extension or two to get past the mid-term elections, the decision is made to either award one contract or two based on a giant rock/paper/scissors contest held on the National Mall between the Washington Monument and the Lincoln Memorial reflecting pool.

The entire event is MC’ed by Martha Stewart, who will show how to make origami and lovely wedding and holiday center pieces out of the loosing contract bids.

Pumpkin guts

The looked inside his collapsed mind and all they found was a hollow laugh a pile of pumpkin seeds.

The losers will immediately file protests and lawsuits, claiming that the winner used disabled ringers who could only form rocks or paper with their arthritic fingers, and that bid information was leaked to retired generals by doctors’ wives and shirtless FBI agents, semaphoring in information about where the disabled ringers should stand to have the best chance of winning.

And there will, of course, be Congressional hearings at which octogenarian nuns with broken wrists will smile beatifically from the backs of the rooms as Senators and Representatives thump their chests and try to impress the doctors’ wives with their persiflage if not their perspicacity. All the while retired painters enhance the Congressional dome with a nice shade of blood red.

This event, in its entirety, will be carried live on Comedy Central, where the Daily Show will become a never-ending event unto itself, as – Thelma and Louise style – the federal government plunges over the financial cliff and into the abyss of absurdity from which it came.

We will all sit in stunned amazement, then slowly link arms as we rest on the Group W bench, and sing in slow undulation: “You can get anything you want at Alice’s Restaurant / You can get anything you want at Alice’s Restaurant / Walk right in it’s around back / Just a half mile from the railroad track / You can get anything you want at Alice’s Restaurant – excepting Alice.”

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Filed under absurdity, How my mind works, Photo by author, Sunday silliness