Q. Where does a writer find interesting characters at the breakfast table?
A. In a cereal novel.
Just make sure it is a whole grain cereal, so you get well-rounded interesting characters.
Monthly Archives: July 2012
Monday morning writing joke: interesting characters
Filed under Monday morning writing joke, writing humor
Workshop weekend: Sunday story: “Virtuosity”
I was somewhen gliding over Virtuosity when I woke up from my copy/paste coma. I was ten thousand bar stools above pay dirt, but the drinks had stopped coming long before the last sequence of route rot procedures was done. I tried to perk up with three quick and awful coffees and a Hershey’s kiss left over from my last intrusion into the real world, but it wasn’t helping much. The coffee was a tannic acid man’s dream, bitter and beyond redemption no matter how I tried to doll it up. And the kiss, well, I am a sucker for chocolate, even old chocolate, but this kiss had seen its last sweet pucker long ago, maybe even in a candy gallery far far away.
She walked into my room the way all sycophants do these days – with an air of predestination. She sat down in the old overstuffed chair next to the old overstuffed couch I was crouched on. She placed her legs in just such a position that a trigonometry professor would’ve been had pressed to explain, and it was all I could do to keep my eyes from triangulating on them. They were her best feature, but the rest of her was at least suborbital as well. She dressed in clothes with sharp angles, some of which would probably frighten an armadillo. Her lips were as full and shiny as a waxing moon and her hair gleamed as if it were a source of light all its own. In short, she was as textured as the night, and just as dangerous.
She dragged out a smoke and was about to light it.
“Not in here.” My head was a series of dots and dashes in binary world, and lighting up wasn’t going to help.
She pouted and then put them away. “The boss sent me.”
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
She looked perplexed, lost in the great heartland of non-sequitors, a trollop with a message trying to make connections with polarized plugs in a non-polarized world.
“The boss says—”
“I know what the boss says. He says it every time he sends one of you floozies down my rat hole with a message, and every time he promises me my freedom and every time he finds a way to wriggle out of following through. Tell Lucy, Charlie ain’t kickin’ at the ball no more.”
She looked even more nonplussed. I could just imagine one big minus sign stretched above her pretty little head, like a halo dancing black hole mambo with an event horizon. One day enough neurons might come burrowing out, Steven Hawking style, to make a moment of enlightenment, but age and propriety would keep me from waiting that long. After all, it’s not polite to stare indefinitely at a glacier, no matter how easy on the eyes.
[Editor’s note: not sure what to do with this. If I should pursue it or let it go. if you have read it, any thoughts or comments? is this an interesting beginning? Thank you for stopping by.]
Filed under story, Sunday story, Virtuosity, Workshop weekend, writing
Workshop weekend two: Saturday limerick: “Canard”
There once was a tree in my yard
that came down in a wind rather hard.
I sawed on it yesterday;
it’s still there today.
It’s tougher than a month old canard.
The hackberry where it split and most of it bowed to the ground to the applause of thunder and wind and rain.
Filed under limerick, poetry by author, Workshop weekend
Workshop weekend: Found story Saturday
In the process of making a small tree. Still much to do. Thankful for a neighbor and smart people who came to help.
There is an old joke.
How do you make a small tree?
Start with a large one.
[Editor’s note: I know, originally, the joke was: how do you make a small fortune? Start with a large one. But fortune would be eight syllables instead of seven and ruin the attempted humorous haiku. Plus, I’ll be more like to have a large tree to start with than a large fortune. I don’t hold much prospect that I’ll have a small fortune, either. As for a small tree, well, that may still take me a little while. You don’t know how much brush one full-grown tree can create until you have to clean up after one.]
Filed under Found story, Photo by author, poetry by author, Thunder, Workshop weekend
Freeform Friday: haiku and photo: “Fun with nature”
Trees fall, power fails,
Sirens wail into the night.
Thunder laughs; man sighs.
Fallen Hackberry tree, over 50 feet tall. Unfortunately, it has probably killed many blueberry bushes lying underneath the branches.
[Editor’s note: over 40,000 or the 100,000 customers served by the Knoxville Utilities Board were, at one time, without power due a powerful line of storms that passed through the area on July 5, 2012. I was without power for nearly four hours and have this downed tree to deal with.]
Filed under Freeform Friday, haiku, nature, Photo by author, poetry by author
Haiku to you Thursday: “Momentary”
Momentary light
paints the sky to my delight:
fireworks take flight.
Filed under Haiku to You Thursday, holiday, poetry by author
Limerick: “Yankee Doodle Dandy”
There once was a Yankee Doodle Dandy
who with the girls thought he was quite handy.
So on the Fourth of July
he gave it a flag waving try.
They told him to come back when he had brandy.
Filed under July 4th, limerick, poetry by author
Writing Tip Wednesday: Analyze Your Book Idea
HOW TO ANALYZE YOUR BOOK IDEA
By BRUCE HALE
Source: http://www.brucehalewritingtips.com/
Say you’ve got a great idea for a book (and judging from my barber, the guy at the YMCA, and my cousin’s neighbor, nearly everyone does). How do you judge whether it’s worth spending the time and effort to take your notion from idea to finished story?
Well, yes, I suppose you could pass it by your agent. But if you happen to be one of the many writers who don’t have an agent on speed-dial (and even if you do), you might also try running your idea through this quick test before you launch into writing…
CONFLICT-O-METER
First, does your cool idea contain plenty of potential for conflict, the engine that drives all story? Does your character face loads of opposition, whether internal, external, or both? Some ideas have conflict naturally built into them — a tale about fighting to the death on live TV in the Hunger Games, for example, is bound to have a wee bit of struggle involved. Does yours?
CHARACTER COUNTS
Next, how much of a grip do you have on your hero? If your idea is all concept and no character, spend some time mulling over your main character before you take things further. Do you know what makes her tick, what drives him? Is this hero someone that you’d want to spend a lot of time with? Guaranteed, if YOU aren’t keen on spending months with your character, readers won’t want to spend hours with her.
UNIQUE OR NOT?
If your idea involves another brooding vampire lover, or another kickass dystopian heroine, you might want to think it through again. Not that you can’t execute those themes in a fresh way, just that the market is so glutted with supernatural and dystopian tales, it’s harder to put your own stamp on the topic.
I’m not saying don’t be true to your story instincts or don’t fall in love with your idea. But before you invest time writing, it’s worth surveying the market. If there’s already been a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles book, pursuing your Teenage Mutant Ninja Squirrels idea might not be the best use of your time. Remember that you have to SELL the story after writing it. And if you’re going to accomplish this task, it helps to have at least a general idea of whether your type of story has been done before, and how well.
JUICINESS FACTOR
When you get right down to it, does your idea feel like fun? Is there plenty of juice in it, enough to sustain your enthusiasm through the inevitable challenging bits? Are you excited to tell the story or is it just one of those “this might make a cute book” ideas that you’re not emotionally drawn to? If it’s the latter, shelve it and spend your energy on an idea that’s really got some juice to it.
The more excited you are to write your story, the more readers will enjoy it. Or, to adapt a phrase from computer science: juiciness in, juiciness out.
Want to know more? This subject was covered in much greater depth in the teleseminar “Turning Your Idea Into a Story That Sells,” and you’ll find the recording here:
http://clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?l=O8uEK&m=JvxVObrEjFLsQz&b=WF_CK_xaXIG.p4elEtaXjg
Filed under Analyze Your Book Idea, Writing Tip Wednesday
Limerick: “Fireworks”
There once was man who stole fireworks
and truth be told he was quite a jerk.
He went out for a dance
with more than loins in his pants.
Then cigarette ash made him quite berserk.
Filed under Fireworks, limerick, poem, poetry by author
Limerick: “Liberty”
There once was a woman named Liberty
who had a tough time in Puberty.
Her friends said, “Slow down.
You don’t have to go to town.
The men will find you, indubitably.”
[Editor’s note: Yeah, I took a little “liberty” with the notion of Liberty, but maybe you’ll find it fun if not enlightening. Happy July 4th. Be safe.]
Filed under liberty, limerick, poetry by author, political humor
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