In our continuing quest to revisit a classic, or even a curiosity from the past and see how relevant it is, we continue with The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce. Originally published in newspaper installments from 1881 until 1906. You might be surprised how current many of the entries are.
For example, here is a definition for the words Corporation and Congress. The Old definitions are Bierce’s. The New definition is mine. From time to time, just as it was originally published, we will come back to The Devil’s Dictionary, for a look at it then and how it applies today. Click on Devil’s Dictionary in the tags below to bring up the other entries.
OLD DEFINITION
Corporation, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.
Congress, n. A body of men who meet to repeal laws.
NEW DEFINITION
Corporation, n.The only think I could add to corporation is: An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. Peopled with overcompensated executives whose sole purpose is to privatize the profit and socialize the debt. In the vernacular: heads, I win (I get to keep the profit); tails you lose (You have to cover the bad debts).
Congress, n. A body of men and women who meet to repeal laws, generally at the behest of a corporation. This is now true of both the federal Congress and the state Congresses throughout the U.S.
Lobbyist, n. Paid influence peddler, bag man for the corporation, general thief in the night whose sole purpose on behalf of corporations is to see that Congress understands which laws are to be repealed or weakened, and how this should be done, particularly since too many lobbyists are former elected officials. Lobbyists can promote on behalf of other entities and not only corporations, but the goal is generally the same.
[Editor’s note: lobbyist was not a term long in use when The Devil’s Dictionary was created.]
Final word:
“It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.” –MARK TWAIN
Filed under Ambrose Bierce, Devil's Dictionary, Mark Twain, satire
[Editor’s note: True story first, then poetic recap below. This is befitting Mother’s Day. Give it a try.]
by The Associated Press
May 12, 2012
The funeral of a 28-year-old waiter in southern Egypt turned into a celebration when he woke up after being declared dead.
Hospital officials had pronounced dead Hamdi Hafez al-Nubi, who came from the village of Naga al-Simman in the southern province of Luxor, after he suffered a heart attack while working.
His family says grieving relatives took him home and, according to Islamic tradition, washed his body and prepared him for burial Friday evening.
A doctor sent to sign the death certificate found it strange that his body was warm. At closer observation, she discovered he was still alive.
His mother fainted upon hearing the good news.
With the doctor’s assistance, both al-Nubi and his mother were awakened and soon were celebrating with guests.
&&&&
The heart would not rest.
A young, dead son waits no more.
Funeral of joy.
Happy Mother’s Day
Filed under haiku, Mom, news to poetry, true story
Sometimes I feel lower than a defeated politician….
Next to the defeated politician, the writer is the most vocal and inventive griper on earth. He sees hardship and unfairness wherever he looks. His agent doesn’t love him (enough). The blank sheet of paper is an enemy. The publisher is a cheapskate. The critic is a philistine. The public doesn’t understand. His wife doesn’t understand him. The bartender doesn’t understand him. –PETER MAYLE
Filed under cartoon by author, no respect, writer, writing humor
Where the skies are blue and the lions, too.
If worse comes to worst, start writing verse.
A rhyme in time will take your mind
away from this cursed ‘verse.
It will take you to worlds never you knew.
It will take you to worlds never more true.
Where the skies are blue and the lions are, too.
Filed under cartoon by author, poem, rhyming poetry
[Editor’s note: Okay, folks, another attempt at abbreviating a bit of unusual news. see my haiku at the end of the article. You try it and post your reply in the Leave a Reply area below the posting.]
Stayed on after tenant died
Source: http://www.knoxnews.com/news/2012/may/08/suspect-bunked-with-dead-man-for-six-days-151/?partner=popular
By Jamie Satterfield
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Sure, there was a dead man in the bedroom, but the rent was free.
So explained James M. O’Brien, 58, when Knoxville police showed up at Isabella Towers to discover O’Brien had been bunking with a dead tenant, according to an arrest warrant.
O’Brien is set for a preliminary hearing Wednesday in Knox County General Sessions Court on a charge of abuse of a corpse in connection with the April incident.
According to a warrant filed by Knoxville Police Department Investigator Brian Moran, O’Brien, who is homeless, had been staying with Clarence Stephens III, 47, at Isabella Towers, a low-income apartment complex on Isabella Circle near KPD headquarters. On April 21, Stephens died.
O’Brien knew he was dead but continued to stay in the apartment, the warrant stated.
“The defendant said he covered (Stephens) in clothing and blankets and opened the windows due to the increasing foul smell of (Stephens) decomposing in a manner offensive to the sensibilities of an ordinary person,” Moran wrote.
O’Brien spent six days in the apartment with the deceased before a manager at the complex noted a noxious smell and alerted police, the warrant stated.
Moran wrote that O’Brien said he hit Stephens in the throat, “at which time (Stephens) laid in his bed and never regained consciousness.” However, KPD spokesman Darrell DeBusk said an autopsy showed no signs of “blunt force trauma,” and a preliminary report suggested Stephens died of natural causes.
“The medical examiner said the deceased was on medications for several things, had seizures and was a heavy drinker,” DeBusk said.
O’Brien is being held in jail in lieu of a $5,000 bond. Abuse of a corpse is a low-level felony and carries a penalty range of one to two years in prison.
&&&&
“Homeless now”
Home window wide. Smell
the fragrance of the long sleep.
Body homeless now.
Filed under haiku, homeless, true story
By NATHAN BRANSFORD
Source: http://blog.nathanbransford.com/
I wrote the latter part of Jacob Wonderbar for President of the Universe and nearly all of Jacob Wonderbar and the Interstellar Time Warp while going through one of the hardest stretches of my life, and I felt very acutely how writing during hard times can be both a great blessing as well as a serious stressor.
It can be cathartic to block out everything going on in your life and lose yourself in your fictional world for a while, but stress can also make it extremely hard to focus.
Having made it to the other side, here are some things I learned about how to keep writing when life throws you a major curveball.
Take care of yourself first – You first, writing second. Get the help you need, take the time off you need, and don’t let your desire to write add to your stress. Life comes before writing every single time. Do what you need to do.
Don’t keep your situation a secret – You may feel like you don’t want to burden your writing/critique partners or your agent and editor with your personal life, but that’s not the right instinct when things are serious. Keep them in the loop and don’t be afraid to ask them for more time if you need it. Chances are they’re going to be awesome and tell you to take care of yourself, which will give you the breathing room you need to focus. I did just that with my agent and editor, and they were wonderfully supportive, which relieved a huge amount of stress.
Force yourself to get going – That very normal hump that you have to get over to force yourself to sit down and start writing when you don’t want to can feel like Mount Everest when you’re stressed out. So start climbing. Open up the computer, make yourself get started. Follow the steps for getting back to writing after a break, and once you really get going you’ll be amazed how nice it feels to lose yourself in your writing again.
Don’t be afraid to cut back – Even if you do power through and keep writing during a stressful time, chances are you’re not going to be as productive as you are normally. That’s just the nature of being distracted. Plan ahead for this and don’t put extra pressure on yourself to maintain the same pace.
Channel your emotion into your writing – Even though I was writing wacky children’s books, I still found a way to channel the things I was feeling into the stories. In Jacob Wonderbar for President of the Universe, Jacob starts wondering if he really even wants to win, and Jacob Wonderbar and the Interstellar Time Warp hinges on whether Jacob should change the past. Now, Jacob doesn’t get all cynical and depressed, but he does feel some of the things I was feeling in the past few years.
Let writing be a bright spot – At some point we’re all confronted with difficult stretches in life. But let your writing remind you of how great your future can be. You’re going to keep getting better, you’re going to keep writing books, and no one can take writing away from you. Savor it and enjoy that it’s yours.
Filed under words, writing, writing tip
[Editor’s note: some things you can’t make up. While the national media has rightly been poking (pardon the pun) fun at the Tennessee State legislature for some of the asinine legislation it has passed this session, this was going on in a neighboring state.]
Sources: http://www.knoxnews.com/news/2012/may/07/another-testicle-ticket-written-in-south/?partner=popular
Associated Press
Monday, May 7, 2012
SPARTANBURG, S.C. (AP) — For the second time in a year, a motorist has been ticketed in South Carolina for displaying a replica of testicles on a vehicle.
A Spartanburg County sheriff’s deputy stopped a truck Sunday evening after noticing the “anatomically correct” display on the rear bumper. The incident report says the driver removed the display after being stopped but he was arrested for driving without a license. He was also given a warning ticket for having an obscene display.
Last July, a Berkeley County woman was ticketed for having a similar display on the back of her truck.
That case is to go to trial in municipal court in the town of Bonneau. That trial has been delayed three times and no new trial date has been set.
[Some final commentary in haiku form:
Testicle arrest:
lifelike on the dash. Driver
in pain; wife arraigned.
Hemingway once claimed that the shortest story he knew of was: “For sale: pair of baby’s shoes. Never used.” I challenge you to take the news article above and turn it into a short short short story or poem. You can paste the results in the Leave a Reply section of this blog entry.]
Filed under haiku, pain, true story
Yes, we all must live /
in the here and now — at least /
every now and then.
Filed under haiku, humor and haiku, poem, poetry
Three leaves gather rain. /
Heavy with sky, touch the ground. /
Glistening repose.
Three leaves heavy with rain.
Filed under haiku, Photo by author, poem, poetry
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