Monthly Archives: May 2011

Lift and Separate

From the department of I’m not sure what to think:

Women can now get Botox for their breasts. According to this web site Top News (how appropriately named) and others, injections of Botox can be administered to the muscles around the breast that lift and firm the breasts.

According to reports, the injections don’t leave scars, require no recovery time, and thus far don’t have any side effects. A woman could have the procedure done and return to her regular routine the same day, assuming, of course, that her clothes still fit properly.

The cost is less expensive than surgery, $4,000 to $5,000 a breast, but the effects last only 9 to 12 months.

Articles don’t say if the effects wear off gradually or all at once.

Reminds me a bit of the character in Aldous Huxley’s novel Antic Hay who wore inflatable clothes in order to make himself more attractive.

I wonder if they might try it on the brain next.

Leave a comment

Filed under absurdity, Aldous Huxley, Antic Hay, botox, breast, humor

You have your book written — what now?

If anyone is interested in publishing a book — fiction or nonfiction — the Knoxville Writers’ Guild has a great workshop this Saturday.

Chris Hebert is an acquisitions editor at the University of Michigan Press. He’s the guy at the receiving end of author query letters and can provide invaluable advice on what works and what doesn’t. He also knows what it’s like from the author’s end: HarperCollins is publishing his first novel, The Boiling Season, next year. (His wife has also published a novel with Simon & Schuster).

This is a rare chance to talk at length with a publishing insider about selling a book.

The workshop will be held from 1 to 3:30 p.m. on Saturday, June 4 at the Redeemer Church, 1642 Highland Ave., Knoxville, TN. Cost is $20 for members and $25 for nonmembers. To register, go to http://www.knoxvillewritersguild.org/orderpaypal.htm

Leave a comment

Filed under editor, Knoxville Writers' Guild, publishers, publishing, writer, writing, writing tip

Guest Blogger Mark Twain on Words to be Wary of

Mark Twain photo

photo of Mark Twain

“Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.” —Mark Twain

Unfortunately, there are fewer editors around these days, the victims of corporate downsizing many of them, so you will probably have to do this yourself, but it might just work. Every time you want to write “very,” write “damn” instead, then read the story out loud. Just don’t do it at an open mike night.

To learn more about Mark Twain: Mark Twain.

2 Comments

Filed under advice, editor, humor, Mark Twain, words, words to be wary of, writer, writing, writing tip

Words to be Wary of

In an effort to help those who may have been hit by the onslaught of marketing slurry that passes through the English language, every now and then, I will post some words or phrases that are absurd, unless you are in marketing, sales, or some other line of work where junking up the language is simply a way of life. To start, I submit two:

Free Gift. By its definition, a gift is free, at least to the recipient. If somebody gives you a gift that’s not free, then it is not a gift.

Truly Unique. Can something be falsely unique? Unique means one of a kind. Doesn’t matter if it is a good one of a kind, or a bad one of a kind, it is a one of a kind. If it is unique, by its definition it is true to itself because it is one of a kind.

Leave a comment

Filed under absurdity, English, language, words, writer, writing, writing tip

The almost Eight year old Philosopher

The almost 8 philosopher

Leave a comment

Filed under bird, Cartoon, child, humor, Philosopher, Random Access Thoughts, Uncategorized

From the Government Department of Hypocracy Department

NASHVILLE, TN — In March 2011, the Tennessee state legislature passed the “Health Care Freedom Act,” in essence saying Tennesseans didn’t have to follow the federal health care bill passed the previous year. In short, they were saying our state can be different than other states.

In May 2011, this same legislature passed HB600, the state Senate, by a vote of 18-8 in favor of the bill and the the House by a vote of 73-24 the previous week. It now goes to the governor, Bill Haslam, last who has said he supports the measure.

What is HB600? A state bill overturn a legally passed Nashville/Davidson County Metro Government ordinance that said companies contracting with the metro government cannot practice discrimination against employees based on sexual orientation.

Those in state government who voted for the bill overturning the ordinance said things like: “When it comes to anti-discrimination practices, we need to have consistent rules across the state,” said Sen. Jack Johnson, R-Franklin.

But the state shouldn’t have to practice consistent rules with the federal government?

And I thought Republicans were supposed to be the party of less government intrusion. I guess when you’re in power, it’s okay to pick your intrusions.

I believe it was Abraham Lincoln, a Republican, who said, “Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.”

With strong Republican majorities in both chambers of the legislature and with a Republican governor, I guess we’re seeing the true character of the state Republicans, and it looks remarkably hypocritical.

Links:
News Sentinel

The Tennessean

City Paper

Leave a comment

Filed under absurdity, government, hypocracy, Nashville, politicians, politics, Republicans, state

The blathering idiot — if money were no object

If money were no object

Leave a comment

Filed under blathering idiot, Cartoon, figment, humor, imagination, paycheck, satire, word play, words, writing

Don’t touch those “bath salts”

NASHVILLE, TN. In an effort to curtail drug crime in Tennessee, on April 18, 2011, the Tennessee state Senate unanimously approved a bill prohibiting the possession or sale of methcathinone, presently sold legally as “balt salts” or sometimes “Molly Plant Food.”

Law enforcement says abuse of this psychoactive stimulant, which is considered addictive, is on the rise.

Man in shades offering bath salts for sale

Hey lady, don't run away. I got just the bath salts you need.

In passing the bill, the state Senate joined the state House of Representatives, which had already unanimously passed HB457.

But the new law, which awaits the governor’s signature, only makes it a misdemeanor to posses or sell this addictive stimulant.

Why wasn’t it made a felony? Reason: the projected costs of incarcerating those convicted caused the switch from originally being a felony to being only a misdemeanor with no mandated jail time.

One can only hope the state legislature will be so considerate of the incarceration costs should they wind up with the power to regulate a woman’s right to choose. See “Oh, how they torture the language so,” previously in this blog.

Leave a comment

Filed under absurdity, GOP, humor, legislature, political humor, politicians, politics, satire, Tennessee, word play, words, writing