Monthly Archives: April 2011

Oh, how they torture the language so

From the desk of tortured logic and tortured words, we humbly submit this political flimflam and falderal:

NASHVILLE, TN: The Tennessee state Senate recently voted 24-8 to amend the state constitution giving future state legislatures the right to enact laws putting new restrictions on abortions in Tennessee.

Why?

Because in 2000 the Tennessee Supreme Court ruled that the state constitution gave Tennesseans, and particularly Tennessee women, greater rights in this area than the U.S. Constitution.

Now, the Tennessee bicameral legislature is majority Republican in both the Senate and House of Representatives, and the House is expected to also vote for this resolution.

I thought Republicans were for giving individuals the rights to determine their lives and here is a case where the state constitution gives individuals more rights, more individual power than the federal constitution. After all, one must remember that this is the same legislature that recently voted to allow Tennesseans to refuse to follow the new federal health care laws.

This amendment would read:

“Nothing in this Constitution secures or protects a right to abortion or requires the funding of an abortion. The people retain the right through their elected state representatives and state senators to enact, amend, or repeal statutes regarding abortion, including, but not limited to, circumstances of pregnancy resulting from rape or incest or when necessary to save the life of the mother.”

There was an unsuccessful attempt by Senator Roy Herron, Democrat from Dresden, TN, to amend the amendment to protect the right to an abortion in the case when the mother’s life is in danger. According to Herron, the amendment, as drafted, says “the Legislature can protect you if they will or harm you if they want.”

In response to this, Senator Mae Beavers, a Republican from Mount Juliet, TN, said adopting the amendment would “convert the Supreme Court into a roving constitutional convention.” She went on to say that the amendment “is about returning to the people, through their legislators, the right to enact reasonable regulations to protect the health of women and the unborn.”

But the Tennessee Supreme Court has already ruled that the Tennessee Constitution, as presently written, gives the people, including women, more rights than the federal one to regulate her health and even that of her unborn child. It doesn’t say a woman has or should or is required to have an abortion. It says it’s not the government’s business.

Shouldn’t this be something Republicans should cheer, hold dear, almost sacrosanct?

But the Republican-controlled state Senate and House, the party of small government and fewer regulations, the party that believes that people can better regulate themselves than government, has decided here, the individual can’t be trusted to regulate herself, and wants to give that power to the state legislature, because in this case they know better. They want to be the roving constitutional convention, roving over individual rights as they see fit.

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Filed under absurdity, GOP, politicians, politics, Tenessee legislature, Tennessee Constitution, U.S. Constitution, words

Writing Tip: Drama is conflict

My writing is distinctly middle brow. Just ask anybody who has suffered through it. Still, I like to think that even in my middling way, I can offer some helpful advice when I stumble across it. Therefore, from time to time, I will post some writing advice, but not from me. The advice will come from established sources. I will endeavor not to make it overlong or overreaching, and sometimes it will simply be reminders of what we all probably already know, but it will be some tips I have picked up from reading, from attending writing conferences, or it may even come from you.

Writing with paperclips in ears and nose

Darma is conflict, sometimes even self-inflicted

The first bit of advice comes from a writing course the Knoxville Writers’ Guild sponsored way back in 1993. The teacher was Joseph Gunnels and the cost was $75. It was two-day event, May 15 and 16, and we spent part of a pleasant afternoon sitting on the grass outside the Candy Factory, on The 1982 World’s Fair site. I took over 30 pages of notes, but rather than bore you with details, here is the essence of what I took away from the seminar:

Drama is conflict;
Without conflict no action;
Without action no character;
Without character no story;
Without story, who cares?

In a future entry, I’ll give you a short, crisp definition for conflict that I learned at a more recent one-day writing seminar. It comes from a very highly regarded script doctor in Hollywood, but applies just as well to other forms of fiction writing. Stay turned.

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Filed under advice, building a better story, character, conflict, drama, story, tension, words, writing, writing conference, writing tip

Mark Twain quote on writing

Mark Twain photo

photo of Mark Twain

“The time to begin writing an article is when you have finished it to your satisfaction. By that time you begin to clearly and logically perceive what it is you really want to say.” —Mark Twain

And somehow, if you don’t know who Mark Twain is, here’s where you can get a clue: Mark Twain.

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Filed under advice, humor, Mark Twain, quote, Quote of the day, words, writer, writing, writing tip

Sign of times: Quality Used Furniture

While the photo is not the clearest it could be, in its own way it may match the hand-painted sign that reads “Quality Used Furniture,” and underneath it are sections of firewood. Could the sign be referring to the birds that once nested in the tree’s branches? To the squirrels, rodents though they may be, that once frolicked about from sturdy limb to sturdy limb as they ventured forth from their squirrel nest? Or is this type of furniture what is meant by rustic or roughing it? Possibly this is a Platonic set of furniture. Furniture glimpsed obliquely and incompletely in its state of perfection.

What do you think it is? Make up your own caption and send it my way. I may list the most interesting ones.

Quality Used Furniture

The sign read: Quality Used Furniture

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Filed under bird, Commentary, furniture, humor, nature, Plato, sign of the times, tree, Uncategorized, word play, words, writing

Writing quote for the day

There’s nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein. –Walter Wellesley “Red” Smith

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Are you smarter than…

Pew News IQ quiz here.

Eleven questions. No tricks.

Interesting and simple test. It’s astonishing that so many people got less than half right.

These results say that 80% of the (voting age) public doesn’t have a clue – and that’s pretty scary.

Test your knowledge with 11 questions, then be ready to shudder when you see how others did.

There are age and demographic breakdowns at the end.

No wonder politicians and fear mongers take such advantage, or maybe they are as ill-informed as those they attempt to “inform.” An even more frightening thought.

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Filed under current events, news, politicians, politics, pundits, survey

So much hate, so little time

In the name of Father, the Son, and the M-16. The answer to everything they disagree with is the sawed-off shotgun salute. And yet when people die due to what they say, they claim no responsibility. Cheap men with cheap mouths and cheaper morals.

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Filed under demons, hatred, intolerance, liberty

I am what I am, and that’s all that I am

# I live in my own little world but it’s OK, everyone knows me here.

# I don’t do drugs ’cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.

# Money can’t buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

# If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the “terminal”?

# I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get elected.

# The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

# I am a nobody; nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect.

# No one ever says, “It’s only a game!” when their team is winning.

# How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.

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The Blathering Idiot and Discovery

The blathering idiot went to work for an advanced scientific and technology firm. One day, when he passes the door of a leading scientist of the firm, he found a note tacked to the door.

Upon further examination, he saw it was not a note, but a memo, on official company letterhead, from the legal firm that this company used when discussing patent and invention issue.

In short, the memo said: All discoveries must be registered with this firm before they are discovered. All inventions must be registered with this firm before they are invented. No patents will be issued unless the proper form has been filled out in triplicate and registered with this firm. We must be notified at least six months in advance of any discoveries, inventions, ideas, or potentially patentable issues. Those who fail to follow this memo will be properly punished.

The Blathering Idiot and Discovery

After all, he needed the work.

The blathering idiot then had an idea. He wondered if his idea was a patentable issue he had to register with the firm. But since he already had the idea, it was too late to file it without being violation of the memo. Therefore, he decided from that day forward that he would see no ideas, hear no ideas, and speak no ideas. After all, he needed the work.

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Filed under absurdity, blathering idiot, Cartoon, Commentary, discovery, humor, idea, satire, words, writing

Definition: Saint

Saint, n. A dead sinner revised and edited. —Ambrose Bierce

To learn a little more about this American writer, humorist, and satirist, try The Ambrose Bierce Appreciation Society

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Filed under Ambrose Bierce, Definition, humor, saint, satire, word play, writer